was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
