I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
