youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
