happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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