Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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