At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
