peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
