I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
