no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my phone needs a breathalizer
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
