you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
