new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
