I'm drive I can fine osifer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
