my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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