I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
