It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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