is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
People in love make me want to vomit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
