Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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