dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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