call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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