woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
