it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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