I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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