He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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