no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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