dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
