Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
