Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
