I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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