I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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