ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
