see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
