I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
