I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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