Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
