I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
