I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
