just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
