The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
