Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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