we have pet lesbian snakes
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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