Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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