If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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