And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Randomize
