Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
