Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
