P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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