Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
