i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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