Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
