Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You took a bar mat shot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
