I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
